The Million Dollar Questions

Why Morocco?

Why don't you have a boyfriend or husband?

It seems like both these questions just keep coming from students and new acquaintances. The "Why Morocco" question  I can understand and the "Why No husband?" comes more with age, but it just seems a bit repetitive these days. I can understand how and why this question is raised.


First of all, I am living in a Muslim country where getting married is a life goal from the age of about 15 years old. For many of my students who live quite tradtionally, they have difficulty comprehending a life like mine where I travel alone and live abroad. Of course, I completely understand this as we are all products of our religion, culture, and environment. My behavior is a bit foreign to them and they wonder why I don't have a husband, children, and a career. It is possible to have all three especially in modern cities like Casablanca, but the real Morocco is quite patriarchal in nature with women being housewives and caretakers.

 

Secondly, I do find myself to be a dynamic person and one may wonder "Why is she single or not married?" Often people will comment and look at me dumbfounded like, "How is it possible?" It is quite sweet and again people have difficulty understanding the choice to be alone and a life alone.There are dynamic, wonderful, wonderful (typed twice purposefully) women who are working and living abroad. Some are younger and others who are older and they have beautiful spirits that can light up an entire room. There are dynamic, beautiful single women all over the world and my heart goes out to them all.


Lastly, it is not recognized by many people that we need to establish a relationship with our true selves before giving a part of us to others. As a single, independent American woman, I would like to educate others on the beauty of learning about yourself and trying to love yourself first rather than just handing over your identity to a man. I believe it is essential to have this relationship established with yourself before just diving head first into marriage and children. Many are focused on finding that "one" person to complete us in the Western  world (not so much in Arab world), but what about just completing our own selves? What about learning about yourself-your strengths, weaknesses,your place in the world, and how to deal with life as the good and bad comes, to learn through travel and experience, to understand how to positively cope with life's obstacles-ce la vie. If you search for that other half, you may just have an empty void you are looking to fill rather than learning how to deal with yourself in a real way. Having insight into our behavior is essential for learning and it helps us grow as women. Over the years of gaining great insight(sometimes what feels like an Insight overload), I understand myself-my needs, wants, strengths, flaws, and I can begin an open and honest relationship with the right person when that time comes. But the relationship with myself always continues and takes priority over looking for “the one.”

 

When responding to these questions, I try my best to be positive, avoid sounding cynical, and bitter, but sound kind, happy and positive.  I need to show them, “I am content with or without a man.”  When I hear the “Don’t worry you’ll find someone.” I just smile, but in my head I know I have dated great men- a couple recently lost, but with God has chosen to close those doors and hopefully has plans for new ones to open. It is not a matter of running around and trying to find a husband, but I will say that I have currently placed myself in an environment i.e. Morocco and the Mediterranean –Spain, Portugal, etc) where I do truly like the men and the culture. 

 

Time will tell, but until then let the “Million Dollar Question” take a rest Morocco=)