The Need to Give

I had an interesting realization today when speaking with a co-worker as it made me realize that Moroccans just love to genuinely "give" as the need to give is a large part of the culture.  This "desire to give" can get mixed up for the recipriocating individual.  The individual on the other side may perceive this as true caring, interest, and love when really it is just in their nature to help somone if they can help-the romantic component can become a bit blurred. 

My co-worker Yasser, is a 26 year old male, with a good heart and love for people. He always says everyone is equal to him and he does not favor one over the other.  This may sound unrealistic to most, but I believe it is coming from his heart.

He told me about his relationship he started with a girl over a virtual chat room.  She is 25, lives in Mexico,works for a radio station, and is overweight(making the decision to have gastrobypass surgery).  For days and days, he chatted with her online via skype, internet, and phone.  When I ask about his romantic interest in her, he frowns and says, “I  just wanted to help her Priscilla.”

He says he has been supportive and nice towards her because he feels bad for her. She does not have close family connections and encounters mental health problems, which leads her to need his support.  In the meantime, she calls, messages, and emails obsessively telling him that she loves him and wants to come see him in Morocco. Yasser now feels overwhelmed with her behavior and says that his desire to help has turned into love and he just wants to end the whole “friendship” or “relationship.”

Now,women can become attached too quickly and dive into the deep end of their emotions when they should still be somewhere in the shallow end, but men are just as guilty for reciprocating on their feelings when they did not feel that way to begin with.  Why was my friend talking to her for 3-4 hours a day if they were "just friends?" Perhaps, he did like her, but her dive into the deep end scared him away.  If I side with him, the woman becomes too emotional and attached, which leads him to not be interested, scared, annoyed, and a feel pressured or isolated.

Why do men think it is okay to build up a relationship and just knock it down? Are these Moroccan men really being altruistic and helping out women in need? And what happens when the woman in the tough situation falls for the man and he rejects her? Who is in the wrong when the relationship was built up together-it takes two to tango, but it takes one to break a heart…

This young, Mexican girl who is having psychological problems and has little social support may depend or rely on this man for support and happiness.  She may look forward to his phone calls, his smiles, his messages-it may brighten her day and give her hope for tomorrow.

When this is taken away, expect the building blocks to be scattered all over the ground and the girl to feel broken. She is not a bad person ,but a ill one and just because someone is ill does not mean they do not deserve love.

Often people want to stigmatize and label this population of the mentally ill as crazy, unsafe, or dangerous, but most of the time they are just real human beings suffering with a disease.  These are beautiful people that I worked with day in and day out and I always believed in their potential even when others did not.  This girl does not adequate family support, had a tough upbringing, and is having a surgery as a hope that just maybe this will bring her happiness.  I feel bad for this girl because she just wanted a fair chance at life and love......