Mr Casa Love Potion Number 27

Just moving to a new city, I had many things on my mind, but getting involved in a relationship with someone was definitely not one of them.  I was vulnerable, naïve, a bit confused, and finding steady ground.  I had just ended things with the Mr. Bigg (i.e Mr Turk), a relationship I saw lasting for a while. 
After that happened, I had shut the door on finding something real and had thrown away the key.  While I threw the key away in Turkey, I think it magically showed up in Casablanca…. 

Initially with Mr.Casa, I did not feel an attraction to him.  It was just not on my mind because I had other things going on like starting a new job, finding a place to live, buying a phone, and all those things one needs to do to start over.  We met in some difficult circumstances and I must say this had a negative impact on our relationship in the long run.  I had some problems finding apartments and things felt quite hopeless. This was all transitional time and it was time where I was not looking for support, but I just wanted to be alone.

Instead of allowing me to be alone, Mr. Casa reassured me that this was just a transitional time and everything will be okay.   He listened to my concerns, my thoughts, my complaints, and my problems.  He was so sweet and caring. 

Within just a couple days of meeting him, he was so responsive to whatever I needed or asked about.  I was suppose to meet a guy for an apartment, but he never showed up and Mr. Casa came to meet me where I was within short time. 

The next night, I was suppose to meet him by his place and I could not find it. It had been a long day and I had been experiencing a cup of culture shock with a dash of lies. I could not focus on where his apartment was because I just kept crying. Like a child just wanting to go home, I walked with my head down and my big brown eyes hurt and tired.    

I called to ask him about the location of his apartment and he tried to explain to me.  Perhaps he heard the hurt in my voice, the innocence, the vulnerability, and the lack of will.   He said that he would come meet me and I told him “Don’t come I will find it.”

I sat and a few minutes later he arrived. He hugged me and it felt

 I was a bit resistant still crying and starting my complaining about my experiences.  I had my complaints about food-being vegetarian I had very few options.

On our short walk home, he stopped at the market and bought all fresh vegetables to make me a salad.  I sat in his house pouting and still crying.  I felt like an abandoned kitten taken off the street and taken care of, a kitten who just wanted to feel reassurance and love.

Perhaps, I have felt like an abandoned kitten for a long time now and not just this one night….

When I peeked my head into the kitchen, I saw a man standing and chopping away.  I went back to sit down and felt a bit confused.    He made me the best salad or what tasted like the best meal of Casa. I ate quite contently, but felt confused with what was happening.  I sat and thought, “Why is this guy being so nice to me?”

 There are the guys that love to see you cry and the ones that let you cry on their shoulder.  He was the man who was going to listen to my complaining and crying and then cook me a salad.  It was very nice, but I felt undeserving and just wanted to be alone.  Being alone and isolating by myself is something I have become accustomed to especially when traveling alone for one year….. 

The little things he would do were contributing to his “wooing.” He would touch my hair lightly, romantic music would come on and he would sing and smile at me, and his non verbal gestures clearly communicated his interest.  He loved to sing “Wonderwall” by Oasis. 

Cuz maybe you’re going to be the one that saves me and after all you’re my wonderwall….

All of it was sweet, but it was a bit suspicious.  We are trained to be cynical in America and believe that if someone is being nice it is just because they want something from you….

                            I guess he did want something…my heart.   

After a couple days with his sweet gestures and caring behavior, I thought it was nice but was not feeling interested romantically.  He did not make any advances towards me and was a total gentlemen.  It was one day where he did make “the move”.  We were just laying next to another watching some television and he put his hand on my hand. 

 I thought to myself, “What is he doing? This is way too soon for this and I did not give him any signs of romantic interest.” After my initial thought, I felt the electricity of his hand wave through my body.  His hand felt so warm and this electricity(chemistry) warmed up my whole body.  We still did not kiss and just sat there holiding hands.  It was a moment where I wondered, “I don’t know what is happening, but I like it.”

We were suppose to go out that Friday and he ended up having a wedding to go to and I did not see him.  Something happened to me and I realized that I was in trouble.  The “M” word.  I “missed” him. 

That Saturday, he had promised that he would take me out to make up for him being busy Friday. We walked through the streets in the rain together and it was not that romantic because I was complaining about not being able to find the restaurant we were looking for-just one of many moments I ruined for us.  Many times, I was questioning or resisting my feelings for him.  I did not want to feel anything for anybody! I just arrived to Casa and everything was so new and fresh.  I was not ready to get involved with someone and the timing was completely wrong. 

            Resisting your feelings may just happen for the right reason

We went for coffee, walked the streets holding hands, and things just took their own direction without my consent, but with the consent of our higher power.   Everything just felt easy and comfortable and things just got better when we stopped at a Coffee shop and met his friends.