Noone Should Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent

The Great Eleanor Roosevelt says that

                     "Noone should make you Feel Inferior Without Your Consent."

With Mr. Casa, I just never feel “good enough” for him.  I cannot say that this is something new as I have suffered from body image issues since I was about 15 years old.  Being with mannnny gorgeous men over the years(soccer player for Spain, wealthy and successful business owners, actors, producers, models, and the list goes on) , I never quite felt “good enough” and always wondered what they were doing with me.  With time, my self esteem has significantly improved. I realize my potential and I appreciate my brains way more than my appearance. 

With Mr. Casa, he told me in the beginning of his relationship that he thought I was “fat.” Oh this word, I will never be comfortable or happy with hearing, never.  While Americans are definitely more mindful of using this word because they are aware of the psychological impact, Moroccans use this word with absolutely no censor.  When someone is called fat, it is not seen as hurtful rather it is seen with acceptance. A person may just say “Yes, I am fat” and smile. 

As a typical man, he tried to take back his comment and tell me that he was just “joking. “ In the meantime, I know this was bull shit. Why? We were looking over my pictures and I showed him ones of me when I was thinner and I saw his reaction shift/change(hello lets keep in mind that I am a psychoanalyst and an intuitive human being I pick up on any shifts or changes in behavior, mood, non verbal body language) very, very quickly.  When he looked at these photos, he said, “Wow when were these photos from? I responded with “Last year.”

His fat comment did not come from the photos, but it started after I mentioned running and training for the half marathon and not having time to train.  He started laughing and said, “Haha YOU are going to train for the marathon?” You can say I am fat, you can say I am ugly OK, but do not act like I have no athletic ability because this is beyoooond false.

I run, I play volleyball, basketball, soccer, roller blade, bike, hike, do extreme sports, just went windsurfing, and had been swimming all summer- Do not makes me out to be lazy and unathletic-just do not do it please.

He said this fat comment and I started getting defensive- a normal response for me that automatically occurs.  I told him I am very upset and do not understand why people have to comment on my physical appearance because this DOES happen frequently.  People in India would say, “You could lose some KGs and you look fat etc.”

Are we living in a world so shallow that this is all we have to focus on? Start noticing my personality because in my opinion that is wayyy better than my physical appearance.  I wish that people would notice my personality and intelligence first, but that is what takes work to prove because men just focus on what you look like most of the time. 

So, I asked Mr. Casa, do I comment on your physical appearance and how you look? His answer was of course, “No.” I told him I did not want to see him again and I just wanted to leave-being a dramatic girl I still am.  I could tell in his eyes that he felt really bad and we made up, but this moment still sat in my unconscious and stayed with me.