Finek?

The main question in an Arabic relationship is not How are you? What are you doing? Rather the main initial question is “Where are you?” I laugh with a friend as he tells me the three questions a Moroccan woman asks a man.

“Fin kemshi-Where did you go.”

“Fin Kunti-Where are you going?

“Finik”-Where are you?

It is the question asked by thousands per day by both men and women. I often held a certain theory about women constantly asking this question. Do they not have any trust in their relationship? Are they possessive and overly attached to their men? What is the deal?

Now living in Morocco for 6 months and on behalf of all women, I now understand the reason for this question and I have adapted to their culture by asking the same thing: Finik? The men in Morocco are suspicious and you do not know where they are or what they are doing. They say they are having coffee and then twenty minutes later they are gone and doing something else. With Mr. Casa, I was just becoming accustomed and I did not ask this question much, but now I know to ask and see what is up with them.  My present headache, Mr. NYC Casa, is a special case as he is always doing something-work related or friend related.  It is actually difficult for him to be in one place for more than an hour as he is always on the move.  

 In traditional homes, the woman is at home and the man is the one out and about working or taking care of some “business.”  Therefore, it appears the woman is asking this question a bit more.  It is funny because sometimes you will not hear “Finik” asked with a voice tone that shouts suspicion.  The woman may experience feelings of jealousy or mistrust.  The woman will ask the three question line of offense and defense.  The Arabic men have becomed conditioned to receiving this question therefore they have come up with creative responses.  They can be quite manipulative and believable, which is unfortunate for the women if they are lying. 

While Finek can have a negative connotation, it is also can have a positive connotation of “worry, caring, and love.” A person may want to know where that person is and what they are doing.  For example, A married couple in a committed and faithful relationship may ask this question regularly because they care. If you really trust someone in a relationship do you have to ask “Where are you?” or has it just become such a natural part of the Arabic culture to ask this question instinctively?

Instead of responding like an obedient, submissive Muslim woman, I enjoy joking and acting like I am doing something else. While honesty is the best policy, Mr. NYC Casa and my relationship is based off a lot of humor and jokes.  Most of the times he is a good boy and will answer to his location and tell me who he is with without me even asking.  Sometimes we need to use the “Finek” because we are still building trust and we just don’t know what one another is doing. We go back and forth with him not trusting me and me not trusting him. Perhaps we will meet on common ground or perhaps the trust will never actually be built. Time shall tell.