My Prince Deflated Just Like a Balloon

People say that in relationships partners are suppose to give in a selfless way. In real relationships, both have to give and both have to fight. Like a sea saw, one person doing all the giving places one person sitting up in the air happy and smiling and the other sitting right on the cold, cement pavement.

With My Prince, he gave and gave and gave and at the end I opened up my eyes and said, “What did I really give him, but a headache?” It was based on him helping me and solving my problems and listening to me, but what did I really do for him?  It takes two to tango as I made efforts to do things for him or together and he declined.  But I did understand his grief and weight with our relationship.  He started off as a big green balloon and ended completely deflated and out of helium. 

There was too much weight for him to carry with an additional weight having his own problems with his job.  Maybe he really was an angel because he helped support me at a time of need.  But I am used to doing everything alone and I would have made it without him. 

Would it have been better if we never met and I just found my own way?  I would occasionally joke that he was my leash, but we agreed that I really needed to take hold of my own leash over my life and that did not involve a man.

But perhaps I am tired of always having the leash over my life and maybe that is why it is loose. I am tired of being strong, persistent, and self sufficient.  Maybe I am subconsciously looking for a Prince Charming to rescue me and make my life simple and routine.  Now that my Prince is gone, I would love nothing more than a boring, routine boyfriend-craving it so much.

            As U2 says, “Sometimes you can’t make it on your own.”