Self-fulfilling Prophecy

When you Say your thoughts are communicating that you will do something and this actualizes into an actual event, action, or behavior-Self-fulfillling prophecy

While some things are meant to be and others are not meant to be is a general philosophy on relationships, but it is a person’s beliefs and unconscious actions that can really sabotage something. 

With Mr. Bigg, I was constantly battling between my feelings for him and my independence.  I was resisting against my feelings for him because I wanted to focus on myself, my own life, and career.  I did not want to get stuck in the roller coaster of feelings that comes with a relationship, especially our intense relationship. 

I kept telling myself that, “This is not going to work” and “My actions or behavior will somehow ruin it.”

With Mr. Casa, I would often think, “This man is so beautiful.” I know that I will ruin this whether consciously or unconsciously with an automatic response or behavior.  Well, my self fulfilling prophecy came true. 

I was playing a tug of war with my feelings and unsure on whether to open up my heart because I did not want to be hurt.  I did not say that he was my boyfriend and I called him my friend. I was going out with other guys, genuinely trying to make friends, but I had my best friend sitting right in front of me.  His friends were my friends and that should have been enough for me. 

Perhaps, I am fighting against my own happiness by making selfish choices and not thinking about the other person.  I am not allowing myself to be happy. Often, I would make choices to go out and then I would question, “Why did you just do that?” Our choices can be quite unconscious and we are reacting based off our own fears and inabilities.  I often thought he would be better with someone else.  We do not really look like a couple and I see him with some petite model and not with me. And if you care for someone, you do not say you are finished and hang up the phone for ridiculous reasons-Priscilla. You do not threaten to break up with them instead of discussing something and being adults-Priscilla. 

We are different, which creates differences between our interests.  I just moved to Morocco and I was just like an excited child who wanted to see and explore the city and meet new friends.  I am fighting against my own happiness by making selfish choices and not thinking about the other person.