The Cycle of Shame

The Cycle Of Shame (PRIS)

Living in Muslim countries for 7 months, reading books on women of Arab cultures, my work with clients experiencing verbal and physical abuse, and the education I receive through direct experience with the culture- I have created the Cycle of Shame, which has similar principles to the cycle of violence(psychological principle for domestic abuse-not mine)    

The Cycle of shame can be defined as: women internalizing feelings of guilt, shame, and neglect based on a man’s negative actions towards you.

For example, from the book Fatwa- the women was stuck in the Cycle of Violence.  Her husband would beat her and talk down to her, but she felt that this was her fault  She thought about all the “What Ifs” and the “Shoulds.” What if she wore her hair differently? What is she cooked the meat for longer? Should she be a better wife? Should she be cleaning more thoroughly?

In my Cycle of Shame, the woman experiences such high levels of shame that she forgets about the negative qualities of the man and takes full responsibility. 

For example, with my Arab men- I felt this strong sense of shame. I felt like the girl wearing the Scarlet A and started to get a taste of what Arabic women can truly experience. Women can start to question their personality, their actions, and behaviors and replay what they could have done differently. 

“When we experience a feeling on our own-true empathy is produced making you a better therapist and life learner.”

With domestic abuse and infidelity, women especially experience the shame wishing they could have been better.  They question their personality traits and physical aspects and chip away at who they are instead of realizing the problem is the man.  The man may cheat on the woman, but the woman becomes the one who is responsible for not caring, loving, or satisfying him enough. 

When the woman makes this action, look, or word that the man does not like-it is the silence that creates a strong sense of shame.  A person feels unworthy of communication, which is the basis for our interaction.  The woman is

As human beings, we can learn to accept someone for who they are by identifying their personality traits and observing their interactions with others.  There is no acknowledgement of who you are and you are shunned like nobody.