Too Little Too Late

Why didn’t I invest more into my relationship with Mr. Casa?
Why was I rebellious and constantly testing my limits with him?
Why did I let him go over to a hot girls house unattended?
Why didn’t I do more for him and show him I cared?
Was I acting this way because I was not truly invested in him or was I again, resisting my real feelings and running from true happiness?

I felt I was invincible like I was looking at the relationship from the outside.  Like a witness to a car crash, you just watch it happen and after you feel such sadness and wonder how something like this happened….

I know how it happened, I was speeding the whole way, but my saving grace was my seatbelt.  The seatbelt always kept me safe. The seatbelt provided comfort, relief, security, and helped me to "just breathe."  But now it is off because I crashed. There is no more seatbelt, but just a ghost who haunts me each day.