Single Shamathon

At my Christmas Dinner for the American English Speaking Women of Morocco, there was little talk about Santa and a lot of talk about love and marriage.

 

While I had a wonderful time, I left feeling a bit empty and wondering if I was missing out on something.  This is often how people can unintentionally make you feel when they say, “Ohhh you’re single?” “I thought you were married?” “Don’t worry you’ll find someone”  

My response should be, I have wasted time in relationships this past year and it feels like a total waste of an investment.  Would it be nice to have someone special? Yes.  Did I have someone special and I I was busy being single and ignoring I was in a relationship? Yes. Therefore, if I cannot respect a relationship then just maybe I should not be in one. 

After a lovely, lovely meal and listening to their love stories and marriage problems, it makes me happy to be single.  Having children is wonderful, but having your sense of self and freedom can be even better. The two girls I was chatting it up with the whole time, one from UK and one from Maryland, have both been with their husbands for over ten years.  They both said it was love at first sight and they are very happy, but after a few glasses of wine they spoke the truth. The one said she would be divorced if it wasn’t for her girls, but who knows if this was honesty or just alcohol talking.  Both of them genuinely did look happy and I felt they were happy.  They spoke about their maids, drivers, and proud of their children and their accomplishments.  All these expats married to Moroccan and French men, I couldn’t help but wonder where is my Moroccan ?

As single women, even if we feel confident and happy with our decisions, we are spoon fed to believe that we would be happier if we were married.  Is it possible to be happy without someone or are we just fooling ourselves into believing we are happy? Would I rather be married than living freely and too independently or would the love and stability actually be better for me?

It was too late with Mr. Casa when I realized that a boring relationship was exactly what I wanted, but at the end of the day we did not fit together and I am meant to focus on my career.  How could I even focus on a boyfriend when I can not make time for all my career ideas, thoughts, theories, and plans? For now, I am better off alone and away from the distractions of men.  It is okay to be 28    Years old and single!